Celebrating 32 years of marriage with my wife, partner, champion, supporter, and friend Kiran. It feels generous to say that we are happily married for more than 3 decades, because while we have been married for over thirty years, and I am currently extremely happy in our marriage, not all thirty two of the years were completely blissful. I’d be lying to say marriage is easy, but in reflecting on 32 years married to Kiran and having reached this (amazing) middle-aged phase together, it really got me thinking about “why do we work”? As in, how did we build this foundation to succeed independently, while thriving together. Its even more amazing because of the fact that we are two contrasting individuals. In short, we are a totally different set of personalities, as different as chalk and cheese. We think differently and react differently too, because of our innate personality differences. She is good looking, determined, short tempered, go-getter, sophisticated, creative, convent educated with capitalist leanings from a business background with a flair for arguments and I am average looking, peace loving, calm, composed, laid back KV educated simpleton with communist leanings from a salaried background hating arguments. Despite the difference in personality type we share many common interests with high level of compatibility. We often find ourselves thinking of the same thing at the same time.
Our journey and choices are our own, and are certainly not a one size fits all, but here is what I think helped us reach and truly celebrate this milestone together:
● From the very beginning, we had a strong foundation built on common values & understanding. When times were tough, our understanding & values had the strength to carry us through, and I firmly believe friendship with partner is the anchor to a long and fruitful relationship.
● We championed each other. It was never all about me, nor was it about her.
● We parented with the same values. There was no “well papa said this” or “mama said we could do that” – we didn’t undermine one another’s choices in parenting and tried hard to remain consistent in our approach. Because of this, there wasn’t much friction, and as a result, there was less tension in our relationship as parents.
● We prioritized wellness together. What’s more (pleasantly) surprising is that we became more focused on this as we reached middle age.
● We set goals together. While trying at times (especially as you evolve as individuals), we worked hard to develop goals that complemented and supported one another’s goals, so that we could succeed individually while also building on our foundation as a couple and family. I think this is what allowed us to stay “consciously coupled” throughout our marriage, and what has brought us to current state, where we’ve achieved many dreams together and defined so many more.
● We spent time together and I can confidently say we have never stopped “dating”.
● We appreciated that compromise is inevitable in a multi-decade relationship
At the end of the day, it’s about finding a true partner to have a “go at life” with, where love, trust, respect, growth, and adventure can coexist in a way that works best for both. I’m lucky to have found that, and to have celebrated 32 amazing years with a good friend.
Cheers for being a part of the journey.
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